I’m Coming Back Home to Myself: Trying Change, Again

Today, I make the conscious decision to come home, to myself.

I am taking the step back into alignment with myself. I am heeding to the desire to be more connected to myself and to start taking the necessary steps to the version of myself that I so desire. A few months ago, I wrote down pretty detailed descriptions of “my future self”. I sat down, alone and envisioned “my best self’. Then I wrote down everything I noticed about her. It was such a deep contrast to my current self. Then it hit me; there’ll have to be a major shift in order for me to get from my current self to my future self. This future self is the best version of myself.

About a year ago, I decided to ‘try change. This idea was inspired by Dottie James. The goal was to try to change my life in one year. I will TRY at everything I do and commit 100% effort into everything. The idea was that if I could even fathom a better way of doing something, I have to do it that way no matter how difficult or uncomfortable it may be. Like many things I have previously ventured onto, I stopped trying change after a few weeks. I can’t quite tell you why I stopped. It wasn’t because I no longer wanted to be better but because I simply stopped trying. A lot of things got in the way and I somehow forgot to prioritize myself or at least remind myself that I was committed to this.

Today, I choose to embark again on the journey to discover, to awaken, and to accept. These are the things that I must do in order to become who I desire to be- a healthy, wholesome, me. I desire to become someone who isn’t afraid of vulnerability or being seen, a woman who is intentional about living and lives deeply rooted in her biblical truth. I acknowledge that this process may bring a lot of fear and discomfort for the many uncertainties that are to come…. but I also look forward to discovering the happy vibrant me. One who isn’t afraid of authenticity, but embraces it in all of its wonders.

Today, I am choosing once again to re-recenter, re-adjust, re-start, and re-set for the umpteenth time. There’s no limit to this. I can start over however many times I need to. I am fully ready to embrace this journey again. I’m ready to come back to wholesomeness and to keep trying to be the best version of myself no matter how many times it takes.

And in the words of Mandy Hale,

“……… I would find myself again.
Not the same version of me that I was looking for, but a stronger version. A wiser version…
A woman who has been tried in the fire but instead of being burned by it came out gold. A woman who finally, after doubting and questioning and striving and hustling for her worth for years…..came to the realization that she was and is and has always been… ENOUGH!”

Mandy Hale

This year, I am committing to growth and self-development. This is the first step: coming back to the core of me.

Much love,

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